"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken 
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why
You brought me here 
But just because You love me the way that You do 
I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to 

Cause I'm not who I was 
When I took my first step 
And I'm clinging to the promise 
You're not through with me yet 
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You 
Then I will go through the fire If You want me to 

It may not be the way I would have chosen 
When You lead me through a world that's not my home 
But You never said it would be easy 
You only said I'll never go alone 

 So when the whole world turns against me 
And I'm all by myself 
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help 
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through 
And I will go through the darkness If You want me to 

When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to 

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

-- I listened to this song today....what an encouragement!
I'm not sure what God is doing right now in my life, but I'm way excited to find out 

I'm in the U.P. of Michigan right now at the lake. It's basically one of the best places on earth. I went boating and tubing all day  and forgot sun tan lotion.... <--- See those rosy cheeks? Yeah, that's me right now. My friends were here last night and today, but they all had to go home tonight  Last night was great, though! We had a huge bonfire in the gravel pit. My friends Todd, Dusty, Jon, PJ, Christina,  and some other people bought almost $70 worth of starter fluid and paint cans and we had " tiny" explosions...haha It was hilarious. Those boys are great. Then we all went into Sault Saint Marie (the closest city is an hour away) and went to the grocery store and had a picnic in the parking lot...that was about 4:00 this morning. Then they came and picked me up today to go tubing and stuff and we did that for about 4 hours. Needless to say I'm exhausted! It was a blast, though. I've missed this place! But, that fun came to an end, unfortunately, now that everyone had to go home. The next couple days I'll be with the fam. I'm excited about that, too, it should be a good time. We are going to go to the lighthouse, Lake Superior, and some other places that I haven't seen in a while. It's been two years since I came up here, so I have to visit all these places I normally go. Anyway, I'm exhausted, sunburned, and the family is about to feed me ice cream so I am going to go. I'll be home Thursday.....   

My brain is fried from studying
I think I need a rest
But tomorrow is the big day
For my last nursing test



Pray for me! I graduate in 3 days....

It's been an amazingly, extraordinarily great week. OK, so that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it really has been good! Let's see, to start off, I got the other job I was praying for. Ya know, as hard as life rolls sometimes, this was WAY too easy. I walked in and asked for the head nurse. She sat me down, looked at my resume, and said "OK, well, we'll start you out at 9.50/hr working with the mentally handicapped, then once you get your license we'll up your pay to 19.50/hr and maybe move you to another wing..." From that point on I wasn't real sure what she said. I was pretty stunned. I hadn't even been in there 5 minutes. Anyway, to make a long story short, I got that job as an "as needed" or "prn" nurse on the weekends. Then, I got that doctors office job during the week. I guess God wanted me to stay here for a little while longer. That's ok with me. The doctors office job can't be any more amazing. All the doctors are Christians as are most of the nurses. Most of the people there go to my church, and I've been working there this past week for my internship and it's so much fun! I'm the "baby" there because most of the other ladies have been working there for over 10 years. Also, most of the patients look at me like who is this little kid? Oh well, I promise I'm almost 22. Some lady asked me a few months ago when I was turning 16 because she would get me a job at the grocery store.... People tell me that I'll be happy later in life. I sure hope so because it's hard to get people to take me seriously sometimes. At this rate I'll be hitting 50 and still looking around 35...hmm...maybe that's not so bad....
In other news, my family comes home from vacation today. They've been gone in Michigan at the lake for the past week and a half. I was very jealous that I couldn't go because of school, but it was nice having the house to myself! I get to go up to the lake in a few weeks around labor day since I didn't get to go last year either. That's ok, though, last year my family was jealous of me since I got to spend the summer in the Rocky Mountains...*sigh* I miss that place! In fact, I think that calls for a picture...

Those are my girls, Tivian and Shar  I don't remember the trail we were hiking, but where we were right there was near the top, and there was snow so everyone had a snowball fight in July haha
Alright, enough reminiscing or else I'm going to start getting really sentimental and might start crying... So now I'm going to bullet-point the rest of my week or else you are going to be reading for the next hour:
-- ran into an old friend that I haven't seen in a year...very exciting
-- got a 92% on a really hard test in my nursing class...wohoo!
-- ended up with a B in a class that I was a little worried about
-- been sleep-deprived, but having lots of fun hanging out with my friends
-- God revealed some amazing things to me at 707 this week that I really needed to see (I would elaborate, but this particular thing is something I can't go into) I CAN go into how amazing God is, though. He, once again, showed me how much He loves me and that I need to continue striving after trusting and obeying Him
-- my friend, Christina, randomly came down from Michigan and hung out with me for part of the weekend...I love that girl!
So I'm sure there are 5000 more awesome things that happened this week, but I'm going to stop there. I'm noticing that the only times I write in here is when I'm struggling with something. It's a good because I get to vent and my friends are very encouraging, but I certainly don't want to sound like Eeyore (aww, I love Winnie the Pooh...what's a Pooh, anyway???)  So enough randomness. I need some sleep...

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down I'm falling on my knees
So hold me Jesus
Cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You've been King of my glory
Won't you be my Prince of peace

I love that song. It's called "Hold me Jesus" by Rich Mullins. The verse hit me the other day when I was listening to it. I'm stubborn (Most of you reading this are probably laughing and going...gee, that's nothing new) but the words in the song say "I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want than to take what You give that I need" just hits too close to home. It almost makes me laugh. Come on, I know what I need......(*cough* sarcasm) *sigh* Sometimes I feel like my faith is so small. Whenever something difficult crosses my path, it's like I jump overboard and attempt to swim my way out. Little do I know I'm stuck in the middle of the Pacific, and there's no way I'll make it out. (OK, maybe Lake Erie...it's a little closer) I hate to think I give up that easily. Why can't I use my stubborness for being a little more productive? Like, why can't I be stubborn enough to NOT jump overboard? haha Anyway, a lot of it has to do with I'm not really being challenged. Well, I am and I'm not. No one is standing up against me. I learn best from having somewhat of a debate with someone. Iron sharpens iron, ya know? I'm opinionated, but I want to know when I'm wrong and why I'm wrong. I need someone to talk me through things and walk with me. I have head knowledge about the Bible, but not the heart knowledge that makes me put into practice what I know. Recently, Emily and I have been going to this church up in Akron called 707. It's been amazing! This weekend will be our third time going, and the past 2 times we've gone, the speaker has challenged me and totally spoke on things I needed to hear. He's doing a series on "The Secret Life of..." and he's taking people from the Bible and relating it to our lives. The first week was on Eve and he talked about the worth of a woman. It's so easy to feel like an object as a woman. I can't even drive to school without some truck driver honking at me or someone making a comment. Now don't get me wrong, it is very flattering. God has blessed me, but it doesn't take away from the fact that it plays up the fact that a woman's worth is based on her beauty. But the fact of the matter is that each woman reflects God's beauty. When God created woman, it was the height of Creation...like the crescendo. I won't get into it too much, but if you haven't read Captivating you should DEFINITELY read it. It's comforting knowing I'm not the only person out there feeling the way I do. Anyway, I don't want to bore you by writing 20 pages long about what I'm learning. I just excited about what I'm learning!

Here's something cool. It's amazing how God can use something bad for the good. You might not know this, but for about a year or so in high school, I dealt with anorexia. Hear me out now. Yeah, it was one of the lowest points of my life, but God has used it to bless me along with other people. A guy from my church teaches up at the seminary and asked if I would come in and be a guest speaker in his class. So, this morning I was able to go in and talk to about 20-25 counseling seminary students about how God has changed my life through this. It was awesome! One of the girls asked me to come and talk at a retreat for her youth group. Wow...who would have thought something so horrible could turn around and help other people? I can't thank God enough.

In other news...yeah, this is getting long, but it's been a month. I think last time, my friend Adam told me I write the longest xanga entries he's ever seen...Adam, I think this one might be a record haha Well, my last day at First Merit was yesterday, but I got another job ready and waiting as soon as I graduate at the end of the month! I'm very excited about it. I got a job at Ashland Family Practice as the nurse for Dr. Danielle Raber. She's the pediatrician so I get to work with kids! Wow, I'm actually a nurse! Kinda scary to think I'll be stabbing...ok, wait, poking sounds less violent....a bunch of little kids. I'll probably cry with them =)

Well, that's about it in the life of Sara. I graduate in 26 days, and I cannot wait! But for now, I'm going to take advantage of my day off and go lay out. Love you all!